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August 1999	The On-Line Magazine By Cats For Cats	Issue 1

Cat on Wall Left

CAT-A-WALL

Silk Tries His Paw At A Touch Of Filk

Cat on Wall Right

Introduction

50 Ways To Wake Your Owner

Introduction

Filk is an art form that has been around for many years. Basically it is taking everyday objects, media or situations and turning them into songs or ballads. Many of which can be highly amusing and quite often set to music that is well known.
It has a huge following and some very skilled artists. If you find this style of entertainment appealing then I suggest you enter Filk in your search engine, of which you will receive approximately ½million hits.
Many of which may be aspiring amateurs and even those can be reasonably good. Even my 'Tin opener' has had a crack at this with about a dozen or so written on S/F & Fantasy (Another hobby of his, I don't know where they find the time for all these distractions. You would think that we would be enough for them.)
Luckily he just writes them as his singing voice leaves a lot to be desired. Although it must be said that the speed he can take a purrfectly decent song & rewrite it so you can never listen to that song again without his lyrics surfacing inside your head , is frightening.

50 Ways to Wake Your Owner

By Howling Silk Jefferson.

Based on 'Fifty ways to leave your Lover.' By Paul Simon.
Yes I know this song has had more rewrites than an episode of Star Wars. But it just seemed to fit and the lyrics came out this way in under an hour. Plus It's on a subject I know is dear to our hearts.

The problem is that they're inside their bed
It seems to me
The answer is easy if you
Take it logically
I'd like to help you in your struggle
To be fed
There must be fifty ways to wake your owner

You see it really should be habit to intrude
Furthermore, I hope my meaning
Won't be lost or misconstrued
But I'll repeat my self
At the risk of seeming crude
There must be fifty ways to wake your owner
Fifty ways to wake your owner

CHORUS
You just slip down his back, Jack
Get down the divan, Stan
You need a new ploy, Roy
To get yourself fed.
Hop on the bed, Fred
You need to land on their head.
You've got to be mean, Jean
And wash her feet, clean.

Yes, just walk up his back, Mack
You need them awake, Kate
You need to annoy, Troy
And get yourself fed.
Yeah, open their eyes, Guys
You need to make some noise
You've got to be seen, Réne
So remind them you're a Queen.

You say it grieves you so,
To see them in such pain,
But please understand, there is so much
Pleasure in your gain,
So please appreciate whilst,
I try to reexplain,
About the fifty ways.

You see, you can not,
Just let them sleep tonight,
And believe in the morning,
That they will see the light.
When you are hungry,
You will realise, that I was right,
There must be fifty ways to wake your owner,
Yes fifty ways to wake your owner.

CHORUS
You've got to attack, Cat
Jump on those toes, Rose
You'll find a new toy, Koi
And get yourself fed.
Knock it off the chair, Cher
You've got to chew on her hair.
You've got to be keen, Dean
And give their ears a preen.

Don't give them no slack, Zack
And get under the Quilt, Silk
You've gotta make a fuss, Puss
Just to get yourself fed.
Try a few twirls, Girls
And have a chew on those curls
They've got know what you mean, Gene
So do something real obscene.

Next Issue Silk gets the Blues.

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