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CAT-TALES
Small Tales of Cat-Ness
A Cat That Brought A New Meaning To The
Phrase:
'Getting Plastered.'
A theatre cat in the North of England, named simply
‘Puss.’ Was already known to be a mouser of considerable
talent. Frequently displaying the evidence, by leaving a
neat line of his endeavours each night, along the front of
the stage.
One night the theatre put on a new play, in which, a
mechanical bird on a strong spring was in important prop.
During rehearsals, Puss delighted the cast by pouncing on
it, unfortunately the strong spring snapped back and broke
poor Puss’s leg. They took him to the vet and his leg was
encased in plaster.
Thinking it would be some time, before they would find
Puss’s little presents. Imagine their surprise when the
following morning, two mice were laid out on the stage as if
Puss’s accident had never happened. The following night two
more mice were caught. Mystified as to how a cat with it’s
leg in plaster could catch mice. Two of the stage hands
volunteered to stay behind that night and see if they could
find out.
Hiding behind a curtain they watched as Puss hobbled his
way over to his position by a mouse hole. When eventually a
mouse popped out, Puss clubbed it over the head with his
plaster cast.
(Now that’s what I call a class act -
Silk.)
Source - Unconfirmed: Originally told by a
Landlady In the Lancashire area. Although very similar
version found in the book 'Cat Tales' By 'Grace Mc Hattie.'
and printed by 'Ebury Press' To which credit must be
given.
Santa-Claws?
A Fire Crew from the North of England received a call
from a woman who's young cat was reported to be stuck up a
chimney.
On arrival two officers entered the house, they were
shown to the lounge where the fireplace was. They all could
hear the cat mewing, from what appeared to be up the chimney
as reported.
The crew returned to their vehicle to collect the
necessary tools, in order to extract this poor pussy. Upon
returning to the house, they found the woman had retired to
the kitchen to make some tea. So they immediately started to
dismantle the chimney breast with hammer and chisel. After
they had dismantled enough of the brickwork, one of them
managed to squeeze into the hole, enough to take a look.
After a couple of minutes of fruitlessly struggling with
the torch, he extracted himself form the debris to report
that there was no sign of the young cat.
The missing feline chose that moment, to stroll nonchalantly
out from behind the couch, much to the horror of the now
filthy and soot covered firemen.
They looked at each other in stunned silence and then
looked at the scene of destruction surrounding the
x-fireplace. Bricks, mortar and soot, littered what once
looked to be an expensive carpet. Whilst a spotless kitty
sat staring at them in puurrfect innocence. Hearing the lady
of the house leaving the kitchen, one of the quick thinking
officers grabbed the hapless cat and dunked her into the
sooty rubble.
Holding a now soot covered, filthy and shocked kitty. The
officer handed the cat back to her loving owner saying ; 'I
believe this is your cat Ma'am, we had a little bit of
bother getting her down, but she seems all right now.'
Needless to say the lady was delighted to have her precious
cat back, safe and sound.
Meanwhile, the fire officers made a quick but not so
clean getaway.
By:Miss Tari Cat. (Taken from a tale related
by a retired Fireman)
And on the subject of Fire
Well we Cats of London know it was. You see the story that has been handed down from cat to cat over the last few centuries is as follows:
Way back in the late middle ages, Cats were often burnt at the stake, drowned or beheaded. Beleiving we were all witches familiars, beasts of satan or witches ourselves. And so cats were put to death in their thousands pretty much across the whole of the Christian world. It was a sad time for Cat-Kind.
Unfortunatly these dumb humans forgot that the main form of Rat control in those days was us Cats. And with the decimation of the Cat population the Rat population prospered. Now as you may or may not know the main carrier of a diabolical disease known as the Bubonic Plague is a flea that resides on the Black Rat (Of which there is still no cure for today).
Well it was because of a mass destruction of cats that the Bubonic or Black Plague started, as there were no cats to keep control of the rat populations that bred like, well they bred like rats. As all cats know one female rat can have a litter every 7 weeks the offspring breeding at as young as 8 weeks, well you can imagine the City was soon overrun with the blasted things.
Rats by themselves cause only destruction but as I said the Fleas, well these carry the Plague. They bite the humans who in turn catch the plague and then pass it on to other humans. Resulting in mass death on a grand scale. If only they hadn't killed so many cats.
Now you are asking yourself ok so if they hadn't killed so many cats the plague may not have taken such a hold on London But what has that got to do with the Fire? To hear Humans tell it, The fire started in a Bakers in Pudding Lane. Due to an unattended fire. Well it did, but only because the Baker and his wife were so over-worked and over tired trying to keep Londons sick population fed. As so many people were sick, very few were able to keep their businesses running properly.
So by this reasoning:
If they hadn't killed so many cats, the rats would not have been able to populate in such great numbers.
If there hadn't been so many Rats the Bubonic Plague would not have over-run in London
If the plague hadn't been so rife, then more people would have managed to keep their shops open.
If more shops had been open, the Baker in Pudding Lane would not have been so over-worked.
If the Baker had not have been so over-worked he would not have let his oven catch fire.
And so the Great Fire of London would never of happened.
Mind you it got rid of the Plague,
Personally I think that it was a bit drastic to burn down a city when all you needed was to keep enough cats.
Mind you this is of coarse purrfect cat logic. Although don't you think this is very similar to that other Human nursery rhyme: 'For the Want of a Nail.'
KYM.
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'Getting Plastered.' |
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And on the subject of FireWell we Cats of London know it was. You see the story that has been handed down from cat to cat over the last few centuries is as follows: Way back in the late middle ages, Cats were often burnt at the stake, drowned or beheaded. Beleiving we were all witches familiars, beasts of satan or witches ourselves. And so cats were put to death in their thousands pretty much across the whole of the Christian world. It was a sad time for Cat-Kind. Unfortunatly these dumb humans forgot that the main form of Rat control in those days was us Cats. And with the decimation of the Cat population the Rat population prospered. Now as you may or may not know the main carrier of a diabolical disease known as the Bubonic Plague is a flea that resides on the Black Rat (Of which there is still no cure for today). Well it was because of a mass destruction of cats that the Bubonic or Black Plague started, as there were no cats to keep control of the rat populations that bred like, well they bred like rats. As all cats know one female rat can have a litter every 7 weeks the offspring breeding at as young as 8 weeks, well you can imagine the City was soon overrun with the blasted things. Rats by themselves cause only destruction but as I said the Fleas, well these carry the Plague. They bite the humans who in turn catch the plague and then pass it on to other humans. Resulting in mass death on a grand scale. If only they hadn't killed so many cats. Now you are asking yourself ok so if they hadn't killed so many cats the plague may not have taken such a hold on London But what has that got to do with the Fire? To hear Humans tell it, The fire started in a Bakers in Pudding Lane. Due to an unattended fire. Well it did, but only because the Baker and his wife were so over-worked and over tired trying to keep Londons sick population fed. As so many people were sick, very few were able to keep their businesses running properly. So by this reasoning: If they hadn't killed so many cats, the rats would not have been able to populate in such great numbers. If there hadn't been so many Rats the Bubonic Plague would not have over-run in London If the plague hadn't been so rife, then more people would have managed to keep their shops open. If more shops had been open, the Baker in Pudding Lane would not have been so over-worked. If the Baker had not have been so over-worked he would not have let his oven catch fire. And so the Great Fire of London would never of happened. Mind you it got rid of the Plague, Personally I think that it was a bit drastic to burn down a city when all you needed was to keep enough cats. Mind you this is of coarse purrfect cat logic. Although don't you think this is very similar to that other Human nursery rhyme: 'For the Want of a Nail.' KYM. |
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